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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, during lunch, I decide to hit up this little café on Strada Unirii. It’s cozy, right? I order a coffee and a pastry. But guess what? They mess up my order! I get this weird cheese thing instead of my sweet pastry. I’m like, “What is this?!” I’m not here for a cheese surprise!

Fig. 19 Primăria din Cernăuți/Chernivtsi Town Hall